Why Are We So Polite To Rude People?
Rudeness is a weak imitation of strength.
- Eric Hoffer
I had lunch with friends the other day, and one of them mused, “Why are we so polite to rude people?”
My initial thought was, “Because we are Canadian?” I’m being silly, of course…
My observation is that, by and large, people are taken aback by rudeness and avoid confrontation simply by being polite. Another reason may be, as careerexplorer.com’s bookkeeper personality trait survey states, you are an agreeable and socially responsible person.
While I want you to tame your inner doormat, it’s important to respond to rude people with grace and kindness - to a point. If you have clients that rudeness is their go-to behaviour, it’s probably time to cut them loose. I mentioned in a recent blog that we don’t know what happened in someone’s day (or life); have an open mind. And taking the high road and being nice will always make you feel better in the end.
But if there is consistency in demeaning attitudes toward you or your team, you shouldn’t tolerate it. If they are eroding confidence in those around you, if they are rude vs honest, if everyone is avoiding them out of fear - it’s time to stop putting up with their behaviour.
I don’t say this lightly. We all have to make a living (unless you have my ideal job - Trust Fund Recipient), possibly having to support team members, their family, your family… Rehoming clients is hard. Really, really hard.
But, often, there will be better clients who come along if you free up space (I am a believer in the Universe), and I have a story of when I should have cut a dickhead loose sooner.
I had a marketing company, and we had a client who was a high-revenue driver for us. But he was ruder than rude - to me, his team and as it turns out, to his customers. I was going to finish up one last project and then stop doing work for him, but before I did, his biggest client dumped him. He owed me a ton of money on a job that I had $75,000 of costs in on, and he couldn’t pay me. I knew, knew, knew I shouldn’t have done that last deal with him, but there I was…
This is where being nice turned out to be pretty sweet for me. I had formed a relationship with his customer that I had done the job for. Because my client punted responsibilities off to me for delivery of proofs and approvals, I had been to his customer’s office, and we got along really well. So when I told them what had happened, they paid out a partial to us in gratitude for our work that they were happy with. And then they became my direct client, and we went on to work together for years.
I’ll say it again, cause it can’t be said enough; Letting go is hard. But not letting go will be harder.
Join Your Peers Here
Financial Cents Workflowcon
Wednesday, November 12 and Thursday, November 13, 20025
8:00 AM - 4:00 PM
Clear the Chaos. Find Your Calm.
A rallying call for accountants and bookkeepers to clear the chaos holding their firms back: reclaiming their time, peace of mind, and the practice they set out to build.
This is by far one of the most engaging and best-organized virtual conferences and is very focused on workflow management, which we could all use some help with, right!?
The speaker line-up is on fire!
I will be hosting a session, Workflow Track: Workflow Therapy: Owner-as-Bottleneck, and I’m a judge for the Workflow Showdown Contest, so please join me!
PS: Here is an article from careerexplorer.com that basically says bookkeepers are agreeable and socially responsible. Go us - but tame you inner doormat!
